


Being Human

by myztixz



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Goodbyes, Memories, Post-Finale, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:15:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23363071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myztixz/pseuds/myztixz
Summary: 'But little do we know the stars welcome him with open arms.'Steven reminisces on the life he's had as he says goodbye to everything that shaped his childhood.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Steven Universe & Everyone
Kudos: 92





	Being Human

**Author's Note:**

> so, this is basically my way of processing the show ending. i'm still overly emotional and i cried so much - probably the realest tears i've shed for this show. it means so much to me and i've grown into an entirely new person and a lot of thanks can be given to it.  
> some songs to listen to while reading (i'd imagine he's playing these in the car as he drives):  
> ghosting - mother mother  
> this is home - cavetown  
> talk to me - cavetown  
> love like you - su  
> being human - su  
> hope you enjoy :)

_ ‘Wherever you end up, we will visit you to talk, to listen - to be there, whenever you need us. We love you, Steven.’ _

The words burn in his mind as he says goodbye. He thinks of them as a heartwarming melody as they hum at him, sliding into the Dondai and buckling his seatbelt. They leave a warm tingle in his heart as he turns the key and waves goodbye for the final time, tear stains making for a somewhat uncomfortable smile. They repeat like a mantra in his head as he drives away, still feeling sad at the concept of not seeing them everyday. He misses them already, he thinks.

He contemplates rolling his window up, contemplates letting himself fester in the gentle humming of the engine and his thoughts, but he decides otherwise. Driving through Beach City one last time - unless he ended up deciding nowhere else felt like home - he thinks back to the past. A small smile teases at the corner of his mouth, eyes threatening to tear up as he drives by the monuments of memories that he’s created around him. His eyes meet one specific place that makes his chest hurt a little - the Big Donut.

As the Dondai slows, he waves at everyone gathered, and he can’t help but grin at the ‘goodbye Steven’ banner they wave at him. It seems like everyone he knows is there, and it makes him feel kind of guilty for leaving. He ponders on the feeling and ends up telling him to buzz off - he didn’t need that right now.

The Dondai rolls onward, the Big Donut slowly shrinking out of sight and the voices of friends fading out as he moves further away. He picks up the speed a little now, just quick enough to make enough progress in driving but slow enough for him to take everything in for one last time. He looks out the window, eyes tracing the distant silhouettes of the buildings that envelope the city. In the rear view mirror, he catches a glimpse of the back of the temple. Part of him wonders what the gems will do now, if they’ll continue with life as usual or if they’ll struggle to adjust to the lack of Steven in their lives. The other part of his brain tells him he shouldn’t be worrying about it. He decides to forget about it and focus on the road.

Cool air caresses the curls of his hair as he drives, and he feels a shiver down his spine. He keeps the window open, though, thankful for the grounding feeling of nature existing. His eyes hurt slightly from staring at the road ahead, but it doesn’t cross his mind to do anything about it as his mind stumbles into a pool of worn out memories.

The first thing he thinks of is Centipeetle - well, _Nephrite_ now. And Cookie Cat. He wonders, for a minute, if the cancellation of his favourite ice cream is what started this domino effect of bad gem things in his life, but puts it down to coincidence. He remembers the sound of electrocuting her, and that pang of guilt from earlier comes rising back in his chest. 'Something else,' he thinks. 'Lets go to something else.'

He remembers Frybo, and when he was multiple cats, and when he messed up a gem mission and when he met Opal. Then he remembers Connie. He remembers the glowing bracelet and the bubble and how beautiful the ocean looked from where they were trapped. He remembers Connie and how scared she was and suddenly he remembers a few months ago when he proposed, like an idiot. He chuckles at the memory now. 

He remembers Sugilite and Lion and Sardonyx and when he met Lapis. Lapis. He wonders how she’s taking it now he’s actually left. He’d been worried to tell Peridot and Lapis that he was leaving, had felt guilty at the thought of upsetting them but Connie had told him that this is for his sake, not theirs, and that he could always call them or go visit. ‘How they feel in this situation is less important than how you feel,’ Connie had said. ‘This is for you, not for them.’

He remembers Peridot, once harsh and cold and calculating, now a ball of energy and emotion. Steven could definitely say she was one of his best friends rather than a mother figure like the rest of the gems were alongside Lapis, and he was proud of that. Sometimes he really wondered _how_ he managed to help gems like her become the person they are now. It didn’t feel like he was purposely doing anything, he just managed to do it with his usual mindset. Part of him wishes he could’ve done that for himself - resolve his own issues, make himself feel as loved as he makes everyone else feel. But _he couldn’t_ , because _he was him_. Luckily he had other people for that.

He remembers Jasper, and the ship, and Malachite, and the cluster and his dreams about Lapis. He remembers Stevonnie and Ruby & Sapphire. He laughs as he thinks about how badly Lapis and Peridot got along, and at his Uncle Andy’s unexpected visit, and at every stupid little joke Amethyst has made.

Suddenly, though, his memories darken. He remembers Jasper trying to fuse with Lapis again as he could only sit and watch, helpless compared to the other gems. He remembers poofing Bismuth, getting trapped in space with no way to know where home is, and the human zoo. He remembers sacrificing himself to the Diamonds to keep his loved ones safe, and being on trial. He remembers the news about Pink Diamond, and remembers White Diamond doing that to his gem and remembers Spinel. 

A shaky breath leaves his mouth, bewildering him. A hand reaches up to his face, and he’s met with the feeling of wet skin. _When had he started crying?_

He stops daydreaming and searches for a clear patch of grass, which he quickly identifies near the Beach City ‘goodbye’ sign. He pulls over, wiping his eyes and unbuckling his belt. Shaky legs step out onto cool blades of grass as he slides down against the pole of the sign, head leant back against the cold metal. He breathes in the scent of the city, letting the smell of the sea and fry bits fill his senses. ‘Geez,’ he thought. ‘Been a while since I’ve eaten them.’ 

The breeze graces over his ankles, whispering in his ear. He can hear the distant music from the car’s radio that he didn’t remember turning on, the soft hum of Cavetown lyrics filling the empty head he had. He stared up, eyes glistening with the sheen of tears, wondrously taking in the stars. He felt that nothing would ever make him feel as empty and as full as this. His heart hurt and the tears kept falling as his brain sketched out this view of the sky, painting this picture to be forever kept in his mind. He pulls his jacket sleeves over his hands and brings it closer to him, however not bothering to zip it up, eyes stuck staring down the stars as though they’re staring back.

Steven doesn’t notice at first, but he hears a shuffling of feet and paws that breaks him from his thoughts. He turns and his eyes lock immediately with Connie, who had just jumped off of Lion. Suddenly he’s overwhelmed again, tears threatening to spill as Connie smiles sympathetically with an ‘oh, _Steven,'_ leaving her lips.

She sets herself next to him, offering him a shoulder which he gladly accepts. She pulls away a sleeve and interlocks her fingers with his, leaning her head on his and sighing.

“I figured you wouldn’t have made it that far yet,” she says in a hushed tone.

Her free hand touches his face, wiping away his tears, as she suddenly moves and sits in a way where she's facing him, immediately holding his hands again when she settles. She dips her head to meet Steven’s eyes, and they lift their heads in unison. It feels like Connie can see right through him, smile soft and eyes gentle.

“It’ll be fine, Steven. The gems will be fine. Me and Greg will make sure of that! You know you can call and visit as well, if you find somewhere to stay.”

Steven stutters a complaint in response through the hiccups, but Connie hushes him and continues.   
  
“You can always come back, too - I’m sure the gems would be super welcoming of that idea. But you need this, Steven. You need the freedom and a chance to discover yourself without anyone else’s influence. I know you’re scared, but trust me. You’ll make it. You’ll survive. I know you will, because you’re the Steven Universe,” she says, tapping a finger on his nose, “and you’ve made it through thick and thin. Now, come here.”

As she stops talking, she opens her arms, which Steven almost launches himself into. She giggles a little at that.

Her hands rub at his back and fingers comb through his hair as Steven calms himself. He lifts his head from her shoulder and smiles up awkwardly at her.

“Thank you.”

The words are so quiet that Connie nearly misses them, taking her a moment to process it, but she smiles. It feels like she can never stop smiling with Steven.

“I love you, Steven. We all do. Remember that.”

It feels like they sit for hours like that, the occasional sniff from Steven and Connie pointing out certain stars and constellations now and then. It’s only when Steven lets out a content sigh that they part ways with a _far-too-long_ but _not-long-enough_ hug.

Steven slides back into the Dondai, turning the key and giving Connie one last wave before he kick-starts his journey again. He smiles as he takes in the quiet roads and star lit sky, and rather than falling prisoner to tainted memories, he turns up the radio and hums along to the tune as Beach City fades further and further into the distance. This time he doesn’t look back.


End file.
